One of my favorite experiences so far this Christmas season was feeling loved for who I am. All because of my soft spot for (yet another) Charlie Brown Christmas Tree. Well, that and my latest thing for flying pigs.
A Charlie Brown Christmas Tree Story
The day I put up the first Christmas decorations on our new front porch, David got home and told me how much he liked it. “It’s so you!” he added with genuine affection.
His comment, and the decorating, made me extra happy because I had had such fun with it. I had found a tall, leafless broken branch lying in the street near our new condo. After a day I’d gone back, hoping it was still there. I’d stuck it in the dirt in one of our planters, added some lights and a few ornaments, and given it a companion on the other side of the door using low hanging branches I’d pruned from our newly purchased Christmas tree. It had looked a little, well, “skinny.” But I kind of loved the irreverence of it’s non-xmas-y form and how it created a place to hang a few more lights.
A few days later, thinking back on his comment, I asked David what he’d specifically been referring to. I was thinking about my scrappy little tree and wondering what, if anything, he’d meant when he’d said he liked the decorations.
He replied that it had that “acting out” energy of mine that he really likes. Where I seem to relax, find my slightly odd sense of humor, and have fun without getting too caught up in doing something perfectly.
“My sense of humor?” I asked, thinking, “Me? a sense of humor?”
He thought for a moment and then gave me the example of the almost-so-ugly-they-are-endearing flying pigs I’m planning to use for a coat rack in our entryway. And it’s so true. I LOVE irreverence and sneaky (or not so sneaky) little metaphors that thumb their noses at what people think is impossible – such as my wonderings about the degree to which healing might be possible with chronic illness, including my own.
And I keep forgetting that I have a relationship with all kinds of different Charlie Brown Christmas Trees.
So there it was.
I felt loved for being me. Just as I am.
Warts Quirks and all.
How sweet is that?
It’s something we should all get to experience on a regular basis, especially during this season designed for play and connection and meaning. Because, you know, it’s the little things that can make the holiday spirit glow when you have a chronic illness, are feeling pressure from the heightened expectations of the season, or experience other things in your life that can make it such a difficult time of year.
Little Love Story to the Rescue
I had my own little funky day earlier this week. I felt restless and sensed a bit of a “hole” inside. I couldn’t quite put a finger on it. I wanted to connect but nothing felt appealing. I wanted to relax and have some down time, but I had so much I wanted to do that I was afraid of “wasting” a day (ahem, I’d say that’s a sign of something I need to pay attention to). I had a little energy – maybe that’s what was new??? But I didn’t quite feel like going out or calling anyone or dealing with any of the waiting tasks – hunting for window blinds, making calls to determine which insurance plan to get on the exchange before the looming deadline, returning my library books….
So I just acknowledged it, let it hang out with me, and ended up doing some creative tasks for my blog (I played with and tweaked some new slides I plan to start using in the New Year). And then I was glad to go to bed early and call it a day.
Writing about my own little love story as I started this post lifted me back up. It was a two-fer. The experience and then the going back to revisit it and soak it up a little. For that’s what love is, isn’t it? Being loved for the little everyday moments that make you, You?
I was touched by the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree video too, which I hadn’t seen in a long time.
This week’s experience got me going on a few ideas for support during this season, which can be so painful and lonely at times just as it can be truly meaningful and restful at others.
I’ll share a little more of the love tomorrow with tips that can bring more joy, ease and acceptance. Along with another picture of my Charlie Brown Christmas Tree, glowing at dusk… haha.
… Oh what fun it is to make room for my inner Imp (her name is actually Rosie … but that’s another story) …
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