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Anniversary Celebrations and Chronic Illness: How We Have Fun in Our Getaways

Veronique Mead, MD, MA · June 19, 2015 · 4 Comments

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2018 Update

We’ve been figuring out how to combine our wedding anniversary celebrations and chronic illness experiences over the years. David got sick for more than a year himself recently and has gotten to know what the underbelly of chronic illness feels like. As hard as it’s been, it’s also offered unexpected insights to add to my own.

These insights support the social nervous system or vagus – which is the branch of the nervous system that helps to inhibit fight, flight and freeze, and that enables us to connect with others and to feel that sense of belonging.

What’s been particularly enlightening for me has been to realize just how many things I thought were personality quirks of mine (my intense introvertedness, not wanting to get out that much even to socialize with good friends, feeling daunted by the idea of a “simple overnight camping trip” and so much more) – are actually part of having less margin due to living with a chronic illness for 20 years.

Who’d a thunk?!

It’s our wedding anniversary today: 7 years married and 11 years together already. What a gift and beautiful journey it’s been, even with the expected ups-and-downs – which have helped us both grow enormously in directions we only hoped for. And growth continues as we continue to learn how to work with all the comes up when you share your life so intimately with another. Thank you, David, for being such a loving, beloved, supportive, kind, connecting truth-sayer and best friend on this journey with me.

Tonight we’ll enjoy an easy BBQ on the porch so we can both eat the same thing given my ongoing food limitations due to sensitivities (I’ve been zero carb for 2 years now. It’s made a big difference in my gut health and energy levels, which has been the great motivator to keep going).

I wrote this post 3 years ago about how we celebrate every year – and it’s all just as relevant today as it was in 2015. We’ll be heading to the mountains for our overnight trip over the weekend and we can’t wait.

Anniversary Celebrations and Chronic Illness

wedding anniversary celebrations made possible because David drives

A week ago David and I celebrated our 4th wedding anniversary in Rocky Mountain National Park, where we’ve gone each year since getting married there. The picture above was on the night before our wedding, hanging out in the cool early summer weather, watching the sun set. Hanging out on a deck in sleeping bags is one of our favorite things to do each year.

We’ve been learning how to simplify the trip a little more every year so that we can really make our wedding anniversary celebrations and chronic illness that is a part of our life work for us. It’s something that David enjoys as much as I do.

Kawuneeche Valley is on the other side of the continental divide from where we live in the Boulder, Colorado area, a little less than 3 hours away. It means “valley of the coyotes” in Arapaho.

David drives, which is one of the things that makes such a great escape possible. It’s a vast improvement from 5 years ago when I couldn’t sit up long enough to go anywhere, even as a passenger. Hurray for the little gifts.

The views of the Continental Divide when we drive over Trail Ridge Road are magnificent.

The continental divide and Trail Ridge Road in Rocky Mountain National Park, Colorado, part of our wedding anniversary celebrations

Going through the mountains takes us to a whole other world. That alone helps it feel like a real vacation in so many ways.

the-meadow-at-Kawuneechee near where we got married. Anniversary celebrations and chronic illness are part of how we met and how we keep learning to make room so we can have fun, connect and enjoy the little things.

Last year it was raining when we arrived but it was heavenly to be out in nature and to revisit the spot where we said our vows to one another. We saw a coyote earlier on the day of our wedding and walked out with three elk as our witnesses.

David and I rainy year wedding anniversary celebrations

One of our favorite experiences is seeing moose with their new calves. We’ve been lucky enough to see at least one every year. Some years they’re been right by the roadside.

baby-moose-near the side of the road in Rocky Mountain National Park - one of the highlights of our David and I-rainy-year wedding anniversary celebrations

As part of integrating our anniversary celebrations and chronic illness needs of mine, we have rented places with kitchens and beautiful views. In our first couple years we rented cabins and spent an entire week near the park but after a few major disappointments with places that failed to meet their online photo descriptions, we started staying at a local hotel. Our latest recipe has been to go for just one night. Simple has turned out to be amazingly satisfying.

we've simplified our trips to integrate wedding anniversary celebrations and chronic illness needs and they have become a wonderful resource, escape, and coming home

We’ve also made some changes to our food plan after making some great meals together in the first couple years when we went for a few days or a week.

we've simplified our wedding anniversary celebrations and meals due to my chronic disease

As my food limitations have increased, we’ve worked out how to combine our anniversary celebrations and chronic illness of mine by bringing all our meals for our 24 hour vacation. It’s easy, no stress, and it means we can hike a little ways out into the valley and enjoy the views and the solitude. At any time of day.

we've simplified our meals as part of combining our anniversary celebrations and chronic illness needs; we now eat in the meadow at dusk so can watch the elk herds and look for moose

This year we brought our meals with us and had supper in one of the meadows at dusk. No more trying to hurry through a dinner I couldn’t really eat during the best hour of the day when all the wildlife is beginning to emerge.

The elk are curious and calm, and they are everywhere.

chronic illness wedding anniversary celebrations - the view during dinner

This year we also saw a bear, sandhill cranes, and two moose with their young calves on our evening walk. This was our third sighting of a pair. They were out in the middle of the day near where we had lunch and were the best send off as we headed back home.

chronic illness wedding anniversary celebrations - the view after lunch

Getting away, even for 24 hours – gives me a sense of gratitude.

For the sights and smells of spring.

lupines and gratitude during our chronic illness wedding anniversary celebrations

For the surprises we find in the forest … like these fairy slippers.

fairy slippers and gratitude during our chronic disease wedding anniversary celebrations

And for the annual sitings of (more) baby moose.

baby-moose-in-aspen at Kawuneeche valley during our wedding anniversary celebrations

I feel gratitude for the views. The abundance and the beauty. The gentle breeze on my cheek.

The puffy clouds and distant mountain ranges.

enjoying the little things during our chronic illness wedding anniversary celebrations

I appreciate the fact that I can walk a little farther each year.

I feel thankful for my health, just as it is. For being able to sit now instead of needing to lie down when I rest during our walks.

Veronique making progress with chronic fatigue ME/CFS and enjoying the little things as we find ways to combine wedding anniversary celebrations and chronic illness needs

And, most tender and life-changing of all, I feel gratitude for having David in my life.

In the little everyday kind of ways – someone to make supper-plans-in-the-meadow-at-dusk with. Someone to learn how to negotiate and explore conflict with. A fellow traveler to keep practicing daily life with. Sometimes this means sitting and recuperating at my snail’s pace with a view of the mountains while he takes a more rugged hike. Other days it’s about making our way together as he finds how to have his life force and vitality while I learn to go at my fairy-slippers-doing-their-jig-in-a-glacier-like pace.

I treasure the experience of being in relationship – slowly and gradually, I am learning what it feels like to be “coming home.”

being in relationship is like coming home - one of the gifts of our chronic illness wedding anniversary celebrations

This relationship journey is a precious experience. Sharing some of the joy with you that comes with this part of my life is a sweet and tender bonus.

Here’s to the things in your life that bring you an ounce and more of happiness and contentment. A moment of peacefulness. A breath more of space to be able to be with things as they are. Wishing you iotas of respite in the midst of your chronic illness life.

And just one little tidbit more. We discovered that there’s a webcam at one end of Kawuneeche Valley, which is managed by the national park service. We got married about 10 miles  up the valley from where this picture gets taken (it refreshes every 5 minutes). We get to look at our meadow any day of the year, year round. Sometimes there are even elk hanging out in from of the camera. How’s that for a resource?

Wishing you well as you find your own unique and special ways of integrating anniversary celebrations and chronic illness needs to support fun, connection and getting little breaks.

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My Story Celebrations, Healing the Nervous System: Pleasure - Intuition - Impulses and Resources, Intuition & Impulses, Relationship Life, Supporting the Vagus (Social Nervous System), Working with Symptoms

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Pam says

    June 19, 2015 at 10:52 am

    Congratulations and happy anniversary to you both – you are a beautiful couple!

    Peace and Love,

    Pam

    Reply
    • Veronique Mead says

      June 19, 2015 at 11:11 am

      Thanks so much Pam!!

      Reply
  2. Julia says

    June 20, 2015 at 3:12 pm

    Happy Anniversary you two! Appreciating what vast learners you are and how you’ve been able to cultivate a depth of love within such challenging territory. Thanks for letting us into a glimpse of a beautiful journey. Much love, Julia

    Reply
    • Veronique Mead says

      June 20, 2015 at 6:40 pm

      Thank you for such a kind and compassionate reflection, Julia. It is a journey that is teaching us more than we (I?) ever expected, including about love :-).

      Reply

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About Me

Hello! I'm Veronique Mead. On my blog I look at how chronic illness may be a natural response to one or more overwhelming experiences of threat. While this includes infections and toxins, I specialize in the role of psychological and physical trauma. Because the research - still overlooked and underestimated by medicine - has knocked my socks off.

 

Symptoms, it is turning out, may not be caused by mistakes our bodies are making but because our nervous systems have gotten stuck in states of fight, flight or freeze. Our bodies are our best friends and risk everything to help us survive. We are designed to recover or at least begin to heal from the effects of those survival strategies. I never knew any of this as a family physician or assistant professor. And it’s not in your head.

 

I've been testing these ideas with my own disabling disease for the past 20 years (I am much improved and get a little better every year). I share the research, challenges, why some things that seem so logical do not work for everyone (or make things worse), as well as my favorite 11 tools. This is so you can explore what might help you stabilize, improve or possibly even begin to reverse underlying drivers of your chronic illness too. For an overview with links to my most important posts, start here.

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