It’s still summer time for just a little while longer and I’ve been talking and writing a lot about trauma. It’s time to play and I want to introduce unexpectedly fun ways to support your social nervous system (also known as “The Vagus”). I’ve updated this 2016 post with new content and pictures.
These are also ways that support healing in chronic illness.
We live in a culture that identifies happiness as the ultimate goal but where taking the time to experience simple pleasures can be judged as unproductive, labelled as lazy or seen as a waste of time.
The fashion for “loud” neon shoes is a contrast to that view. For me, my pink shoes have “acting out energy.” Having them on, or on my computer screen, and peppering them throughout this post makes me smile, just as it does to get my feet dirty or to play in the sand. For some reason taking pictures of feet and foot prints just makes me happy :-).
Our impulses for play, fun and pleasure come from the social nervous system. They are different for each one of us.
Impishness, fun and joy belong to the nervous system designed to help us shift gears between states of self-protection to states of safety.
This happens through connection, play and support. It’s how we are geared to naturally recover from stress and trauma.
When we live with a chronic illness, it’s common to get caught in states of vigilance, anxiety, and dread; or to feel deadened to the joys of life and overwhelmed by the challenges.
Things that resource us or feel pleasurable, on the other hand, can make a big difference.
They can sometimes also be difficult to access.
Here’s what you can do along with a wee bit of the science that explains why learning to identify and follow your impulses for pleasure and ease strengthens a physiological pathway that supports healing.
Supporting The Vagus in this way can be enough for some people to recover. Most of us also need to resolve what drives our strong underlying physiological patterns of fight, flight and freeze (often with tools such as these somatically based trauma therapies). Doing both is typically necessary.
The following are ways we support the branch of the vagus nerve known as the social nervous system, which in health is able to inhibit fight, flight and freeze unless it’s really needed.
1. Clues to Getting UnStuck From “One Gear”
Back in 2016 when I first wrote this post, I started devoting a lot of time to my burning desire to write, write, write. I had a blast for a while. But then I found myself getting grumpy.
I’d had my nose to the keyboard and suddenly it wasn’t fun anymore.
I was forcing myself to work on a page that I’d been unexpectedly struggling with for weeks. I felt the tease of being “almost there” and having the sense that if I just worked a tad bit longer or put in a little more effort or pushed just a smidge harder that I’d be able to crank it out and get ‘er done.
And “then” I’d feel satisfied and be able to take a well-earned break.
But it wasn’t happening.
Does this sound familiar – in whatever form it takes for you?
The fact that I was getting cranky was information. It’s one of our bodies’ ways of saying “no.”
This is the social nervous system’s energy efficient version of setting a boundary instead of going into a full blown fight response or overworked-type-of-tantrum.
I was also beginning to feel overwhelmed and anxious.
These are qualities of the flight response.
These are healthy, appropriate clues suggesting the need for more balance.
Another clue that my body wanted to shift gears came from increasingly frequent impulses to take a break.
What I realized, with a little nudging from my body, was that this desire for time off wasn’t about avoidance (the freeze response), it was an impulse for pleasure.
Increasingly, all I wanted to do was to find a good book, curl up in my comfy bed, and escape in the luxury of a day off.
When I found myself tired and lacking interest in writing I finally acknowledged that I had crossed the line. I was running a familiar pattern and overriding my body’s signals that it was time to change gears.
Most of us overlook these impulses. It’s a culturally promoted habit that we need to ignore. It’s also common in chronic illness.
2. Our Nervous Systems Can Have Trouble Shifting Gears
One of the challenges of living with a chronic illness is the difficulty we may have in shifting from physiological states of vigilance, sensitivity or distress to states of ease and calm, rest and recovery, and comfort in connection.
This difficulty in changing gears is only partly about us and our desires. It’s also the result of a nervous system state that has gotten stuck in modes of protection, defense and survival.
It can be about a nervous system that is caught in action mode and wants to keep going. Or stuck in freeze and not wanting (or able) to do a thing.
These are things that happen in our physiology – rather than in our heads. It’s about epigenetics and biology rather than psychology.
For myself, it’s also been due to an unconscious fear of getting caught in more immobility and freeze if I slowed down.
These are all real fears. They happen all the time with a nervous system that is out of balance, which I believe is an underlying force that drives the symptoms of chronic illness.
The antidote is to recognize the impulses that help us shift gears.
And then do what we can to respect them.
Knowing why this is helpful makes it easier to follow these urges, which are often subtle.
3. Uncomfortable Emotions Sometimes Have a Not-in-the-Present Purpose
Uncomfortable emotions have a purpose.
Fear and anger help us mobilize to escape threat, set boundaries, and keep ourselves safe.
The accumulated effects of trauma, however, can deepen and prolong these emotions and states so they happen even when they don’t serve us.
This is because the effects of adversity and other events that overwhelm our body’s ability to adapt, cope, or overcome threat leave our nervous systems stuck in the false perception that we are still trying to survive, escape or succeed.
Even if what triggered these states is long in the past.
When our autonomic nervous systems are caught in states of protection and defense, our social nervous system gets supplanted by anxiety and fear (the sympathetic nervous system response of flight), by anger or irritability (the sympathetic response of fight), or by lassitude, boredom, exhaustion or depression (the parasympathetic freeze response).
So when we have a chronic illness, chronic pain, a mental health condition or other chronic symptom, we have to pay attention with the specific goal of listening for impulses towards ease, joy, rest, play and the like.
This is one way of helping our bodies and brains get the message that we aren’t actually in danger now and don’t need to be in survival mode.
4. Social Nervous System Impulses for Play, Pleasure and Connection Help Us Shift Gears
When we are in full health, the process of slowing down, finding balance and shifting gears happens automatically.
We wake and get ready for work. Or we sleep in on a day off. We eat, then rest, play and sleep. Our blood pressure, blood sugars and heart rates increase and decrease as needed.
When we have a chronic illness or are experiencing the side-effects of trauma, this process gets derailed. Our blood pressure gets stuck in high or low modes or oscillates between extremes. Or our blood sugars, energy levels, cortisol, thyroid and other physiological processes get stuck in on, off or other positions that can’t adapt to our actual needs of the present moment.
Our access to our social nervous system, which is the part of the nervous system that keeps us out of fight, flight and freeze, becomes more limited.
One way of recovering our inherently normal cycles of back and forthing between activity and rest, excitement and calm, ruminating over our response to unsolicited advice vs getting curious about our spouse’s day at work – is by paying attention to subtle impulses that involve safety, pleasure, joy, ease, rest or their tiny almost unrecognizable cousins that are easy to pass over.
Here are additional specific steps that will help you recognize and act on these social nervous system impulses more easily.
5. Slow Down
When I was unable to write the blog post I finally, gently, took myself by the shoulders, sat myself down, and made the conscious decision to take a break.
I got a little help, encouragement and support from David who had been noticing my irritability as well.
I acknowledged to myself – and to my body – that I’d been blowing off my impulses instead of listening. I had gotten focused on the end goal rather than on the process.
I was able to switch gears by first allowing myself to slow down and use the following steps.
Understanding what your impulses are and why they are helpful in the process of healing gives you more permission to follow them too.
Many of these steps will be familiar to you.
6. Make a Conscious Decision
Start by actively, mindfully, consciously deciding to listen as closely as you can.
I started the process of shifting gears by putting a hold on all non-blog-post writing. Then by allowing myself to come into the gentler pace of summer and the downtime that I’d been craving.
Just as I’d honored the craving to write, I needed to respect my hunkering to take a break.
7. Start With One Impulse
The night I decided to stop working so hard on my writing I enjoyed taking the time to find a new book to read instead of feeling burdened by the process. I’d been putting the task off for months.
I perused my online local library, looked for the latest in hot new fiction on amazon, and tried out 5 or 6 samples on my kindle. I then read a whole book (Ender’s Shadow), which I couldn’t put down, in a day. It was bliss.
8. Tolerate a Little Squawking
Even though I often feel relief when I listen to my body’s need for change or to slow down, it’s not always comfortable.
Some parts of me complain. Others resist.
This time, for example, I felt a little sad, as though I was giving up on my dreams for my big vision for my blog and completing my first ebook.
Because of this trauma-based perspective about the importance of the social nervous system, however, I recognized that this internal message wasn’t actually true. I could also see how the impulse that keeps me from slowing down is not necessarily healthy.
So I stuck with my plan to take a break.
9. Make Room for Underlying Needs
When I took my daily naps for the first few days after deciding to slow down, I found myself sleeping longer than usual. I hadn’t realized I’d gotten so overtired.
My body was grateful.
10. Notice What Happens Next
After a few days of increased rest, I wanted to go to the Boulder Reservoir.
I had the capacity to tolerate the sun and to enjoy laying on the beach for a couple of hours.
When I’d first thought of going the week before I had been too tired to take action.
Slowing down gave my body room for the healthy aspects of the sympathetic nervous system, which are about taking action without the components of fight and flight.
I’d lived in Boulder for 15 years and this was the first time I’d ever been to the beach. I’m not sure I’d quite had the physical capacity to lay in the sun on a beach full of people and kids in the past, so finding an interest in doing this was a surprise. It was also a likely indication of progress in my healing and capacity.
And it felt like heaven.
11. Look for Evidence You’re On the Right Track
Surprise and joy are signs we are on the right track. These are indications we are activating the social nervous system rather than just finding another way to keep busy.
So was the connection of having a friend in Australia send me this picture in response to my Facebook post.
She, too, has a chronic illness.
She too, has been growing the ability to listen and befriend her social nervous system in support of healing.
12. More Clues That You Are On The Right Track
The day after relaxing at the beach I felt amazingly light, as well as less heavy with fatigue.
The sadness was gone.
And I was excited about writing the next blog post.
This kind of shift is common when we follow an impulse that supports the social nervous system.
Delight, relief, lightness, an easing of the burden – these are actually a way our bodies give us feedback that we are on the right track.
For me, the shift usually takes more time. And for many of us we may very well need days, weeks or even months of focus on social nervous system and basic needs.
This time I was amazed at how letting go of self-imposed deadlines lightened my load.
13. Practice
Learning to follow our impulses is a process that takes time. And practice.
It often involves unlearning what we’ve been taught to override, such as through messages in childhood, in our work environments, as part of cultural norms etc.
Paying attention, learning to listen, having curiosity about impulses that often feel like interruptions is a process.
It involves respecting our bodies and ourselves. Over time we gain experience.
Paying attention to the clues and feedback enables us to learn and to recognize when we’re on the right track and when we need to make a course correction.
In time our social nervous system becomes more easily activated and we no longer have to do it all through conscious choice and will power.
14. Watch For The Next Impulse
The photo above is from a few years ago when I went to the beach with my cousin. That was the first impulse. And then we just got silly. We ended up laughing until the tears were running down our cheeks. It was a total extra bonus.
After shifting gears from blogging back in 2016, I suddenly had the desire to make an overdue phone call to a relative. To pull a couple weeds that had been calling to me for weeks. And to transplant some evening primroses to a place with more sunshine where they could thrive.
Changing gears gave me a little “margin” and I was able to pace myself and complete each activity.
I listened some more.
I played some more in my garden.
Rather than performing my tasks from a place of urgency in order to get them over with, it was a pleasure.
It was more than I could have done in the previous year and the thrill of being able to do these things myself (rather than needing someone’s help) was a tonic in and of itself.
Today in 2019 I have a lot more margin.
I can dig in my garden for a few hours at a time. I can talk on the phone for an hour with no problem most days. I was able to travel all the way to Spain a few months ago to work on multigenerational trauma. I’m planning to give some talks, including one on ABEs (adverse babyhood experiences) at a perinatal conference in November.
I am slowly and surely getting better.
15. Keep Practicing – It Gets Easier
A month ago, in the 2019 update to this post, I reached a similar place of irritability in trying to work on my blog. This happened after all-out efforts I’d made in promoting myself after being nominated for a #WEGO Patient Leader Award. It was exhilarating and exciting to go for it, and rewarding to get such support from you guys (woohoo!!).
It was also exhausting at an emotional and physical level to put myself out there so fully and forcefully.
So I needed to pull in and hibernate to balance things out.
Over the past few weeks I’ve taken a lot of naps (which I rarely need any more), lay in bed doing nothing, read a bunch of fiction, gone to the beach, rescheduled events for September so I could switch into much-needed summer mode, taken some hikes – and went to McDonald’s to honor my desire for my first Big Mac in 10 years (I’m a sucker for the sauce).
My food sensitivities are almost gone since setting some boundaries with a family member in November, which was simply a layer I reached after years of attachment work (working with invisible ACEs).
I had some fries and a shake to go with that. It was delicious and completely satisfying. My body was totally fine with it all too.
This is how our bodies slowly (and for some, more quickly) heal as we resolve the underlying trauma and perceptions of threat that drive our symptoms.
I suspect my process of healing and recovery is taking me 20 years in part because this is a new way of thinking, but also in large part because I have wanted to understand every single step of my process. Steeping myself in the trauma literature and discussion has also slowed things down since it is a painful field to immerse oneself in.
Healing, however, is continuing to happen – just as our bodies are designed to do.
Conclusion
Enlisting the social nervous system by listening to our cravings and impulses is a way of healing from trauma.
It starts its own feedback loop where one positive experience increases the chances of having another.
This is one of the ways that supports our natural ability to heal from trauma.
How Do You Guys Enlist Your Social Nervous System?
Some friends shared the pictures below on how she followed her impulses towards health after I first published this post (one is named above, the other below).
This one was after a friend completed some of her last business calls from her “summer office:”
She then wrote me and added, “Sometimes heaven can be in your own backyard :).”
I couldn’t agree more.
What impulses are you following? What little voices have you had difficulty listening that might need your love and attention?
Add your picture in a comment, I’d love to share what YOUR personal resources are as part of spreading the social nervous system love :-).
It can be whatever is a resource for you, whether it’s play or ease, feet or nature or your cat etc. If you have any problems uploading an image send me an email. I’ll respond and you can then attach a picture.
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Related Posts:
Making Time for Things that Resource Us
Treating Chronic Illness: 9 Sneaky Ways to Act Out
Shhhh, Listen! Do you Hear Your Social Nervous System Calling?
22 Encouraging Tips for Healing Chronic Illness From a Trauma Perspective
See friend and colleague Dr. Arielle Schwartz’ page for ways of actively and directly stimulating the vagus nerve
I’m depleted right now and plan to respond more soon but as I prepared for bed last night and reviewed my day I had to let you know this totally fits for me! You’ve described and validated my experience of this illness and I’m feeling deep gratitude for the knowledge, practical guidance, and hope, thank you!! (I live rural with inconsistent Internet which may delay response too!)
Hi Jan,
It’s kind of amazing how our experiences can sometimes have so much in common, isn’t it? I’m so glad this was validating and gave you hope. I feel increasingly hopeful and appreciative of this perspective as things slowly shift in my own life. Good luck with your internet and I look forward to hearing whatever else you might want to share!!
Thank you for posting this. Absolutely spot on! I wish I had a way of explaining this to others. Sometimes when I get out of whack I push myself to socialize but my nervous system is screaming for rest. I can’t articulate thoughts. I can’t remember names of things or people. Most of the time I can’t speak a full sentence. Being around people is exhausting yet enervating, but too much of a good thing is bad and sometimes you’re right in the thick of it and it’s difficult to bail in the moment. It is so hard balancing the need to do fun things with the reality that my body is often not able to handle it.
I’m grateful to read about your experiences and what you are observing and learning. Like you, I am persevering.
Hi Linda,
It helps to have things normalized, explained, validated or supported sometimes, doesn’t it?
A few years ago I had travelled by air for an important memorial service. I was able, despite my chronic fatigue and food sensitivities, to show up and participate the first two days and appreciate seeing everyone, but by the third I could actually hardly speak in full sentences my brain and body were so tired.
I still looked normal but everything in me was overtaxed. Understanding the why of it helped me keep a low profile, have self compassion, not keep trying to do more, nor trying to explain, but just to stay as present as I could while doing as little extra as possible – including talking and listening.
Sometimes we can’t bail at the moment in the physical sense of leaving but can give ourselves room to rest in other little ways until we can exit. One of my family members simply quietly leaves the room and takes a nap on the floor in another and then returns, refreshed, 20 minutes later. The whole extended family is used to it by now and doesn’t even raise an eye brow :-). There’s something about giving ourselves permission to do self care that takes courage, practice and some support – and that can make a huge difference.
Wishing you well with the balancing act and supporting your body as best you can!
Thank you, Veronica, that is so helpful. I have returned to teaching after a few years on my recovery journey doing nervous system work, and when I sit down to mark essays I find I am pushing myself through them, worrying I won’t manage, rather than respecting then need for balance and play in my life. So much of CFS recovery seems to be about learning to listen to your body, noticing triggers, patterns of thinking, challenging them, and pacing with kindness to yourself. I notice thoughts that I will not cope, challenge them and return to the moment. This approach really helps, I can see that includes listening to what my nervous system does need, that urge to go to the beach, to have a rest without any stimulation. Thank you. Such insightful reading for me.
Thanks Heather – so glad it supported insight. I love how you word the idea of challenging the thoughts. Such an important part of our practice to be curious enough to explore what is “real” and what may not be in the present moment. I find the kindness towards myself / my symptoms etc so helpful in this process. So glad you are back to teaching – even as you are finding your way with marking essays! Thx for writing
Hello Véronique
I hope your understand my comments cause i’m french and don’t speak english well .
Your blog is so inspiring and this article resonate with what i live.
Diagnotic with chronic fatigue syndrome (since 2012), my health deteriorated until i discover polyvagal theory, somatic therapy and deepen understand how neuroplasticity and nervous system work.
I’m a psychologist who’s passionate in neurosciences and your blog is one of those who help me to change my mindset.
So thanks you.
I recognize myself in what you say. I need to really understand the things to process them. i think it slow down my recovery a little bit because I need to really understand to integrate and act.
Since the beginning of the year, I have created a blog to share what I learned from my readings with other french patients .
This article helped me understand that I must listen myself when I blocked writing an article and feeling the impulse to move or do something else. I thought it was due to a lack of attention but now I understand that I just need to ressource myself (and my nervous systèm)
For you ressourcing is taking picture of your feet :-). For me, it’s looking at the Sky and the cloud, green moutains (i live in france in auvergne: lot of beautiful volcano), go to forest cabin, listen Tom Rosenthal music, read an adventure book…
So thanks for this reminders.
To share my ressourcing photos , where should i send them to you?
Continue to inspire us Véronique,
Thanks for your wonderful work,
Aurore
Bonjour Aurore et merci pour ton beau commentaire! It’s lovely to meet you (I’m French Canadian and my written French is imperfect :-).
I’m so glad my blog has been helpful, including this post with making sense of how we sometimes feel blocked because we need more resource. Yes to polyvagal theory, neuroplasticity and somatic trauma work! I continue to find it the best resource for my own ongoing progress too. I love your resources – you should be able to attach a picture just below where you leave a comment where it says “upload an attachment.” If that doesn’t work email it to me and just be clear that you want me to attach it to the blog. Bienvenue a mon blog!!
Formidable mon anglais est compréhensible (et ton français est parfait).
So, I share a picture of my personal resource.
The most important is nature: montains, lake, green colors, forest and look at the sky, clouds and at night see the stars. Sleep in nature is so ressourcing for my nervous system. I feel so calm and peace when i can do that.
So I join a picture of that.
Au plaisir de lire bientôt de nouveaux articles et de voir les partages de chacun.
Aurore
C’est formidable indeed!! I love this picture – the view, the green, the place you sleep, the ease, the peace – thanks for sharing! Au plaisir!!
Thanks Veronica,
This is a good reminder for me. I tend to get pretty serious about healing and feel the pressure to get well enough so that I can work and provide for myself again. I tend to ignore little pleasures and come up with a number of excuses as to why I can’t have them (waste of money and disturbing other people come up pretty regularly). You’ve inspired me to treat myself to a small guilty pleasure right now. Thanks for your support. I’m thrilled with what you’ve done on exposing the connection between childhood adversity and chronic illness.
Cheers, Garth
Hi Garth,
I think we each help each other keep coming back to what is true and important for ourselves. Even hearing you say I’ve inspired you to treat yourself in this special way helps me keep doing that for myself just a little bit more too. Thanks for sharing and being part of the support network in this way. Glad the childhood – chronic illness connection is feeling helpful too.
warmly,
Veronique
This evening I got the impulse to do something enjoyable so I jumped on it! The most enjoyable part for me is posting about it here and sharing the photos, but the rest is good too. It’s just not all that new. I’ve done this many times.
What I do, is I get a foldable chair from my second story balcony, walk down the stairs that connect it to a large lawn and plunk myself under the Hawthorn tree bare feet on the grass (it’s never been sprayed and the last fertilizer application was years ago). Then I don my headphones and turn on my iPod and listen to Thomas Verny’s “Love Chords” CD (https://www.childrensgroup.com/product.php?mode=cat&cid=tverny_eng). This is music specifically designed for pregnant women to help with their pregnancy. I have no idea if it helps heal that part of me that was subjected to two pretty severe stressors through my mother while I was still in the womb, but one never knows! The music is beautiful and very relaxing. That in itself is good for me. The concept tickles me too. And the bare feet in the grass/dandelions/violets is supposed to be good too!
Attached is a photo of my feet. :-)
Cheers,
Garth
And here’s a photo of the view up!
You’ve got me grinning from ear to ear Garth – thanks so much for the details and the photos. The up is just as wondrous as the down. And Thomas Verny (I had no idea he had music out for pregnant women and I can totally imagine that it speaks to some very young / early / womb part of you!). And earthing. And your use of words like “plunk.” And so glad that it’s so enjoyable to share it here – thanks for all of it!
You’re welcome! I’m so glad that you enjoyed my post. :-) Garth
Uploaded for Janice who emailed me with her comment below and the pic and when I asked her said “share all….. we need to hear more positive encouragement daily!!!” Yes – we do need this kind of inspiration, support and encouragement daily – thanks Janice!
This is the lil’ lake 10mins from my apt where I go and sit on my rock and soak up its: life♡
The water.. the flowers.. the fragrances.. the birds.. the bees, butterflies & dragonflies..
You will find me from the calm mornings or evenings.. the days of glistening sunshine dancing on the top of the water.. to the days with a gentle breeze of life I drink in deeply..
There I soak in Father Gods creation that heals and restores me within!!
Peace, calm and rest empowers me & I practice it daily! I have to and need to.. but mostly now because
I love love love it!!! Lol
No one is as important as me now! I need my cup filled while I continue my healing journey one day @ a time.. each fresh new day.. befor I step into that new day with people or things on the go!!!
I have been on this journey most of my life.. but it stopped.. Crashed.. & trully began Jan 2008… All yr areas I know. Get. Relate to. Understand. Live & Practice!
I live with Chronic Illness but embrace myself & my journey ‘fully engaged now’.. because of the daily little miracles.. the breakthrus.. the little changes and victories..I have learned along the way.. and celebrate!
Thru learnings, tools, applications, counselling… etc… AND these spontaneous classes available that link me with Beautiful Honest people who understand the Process of the Journey thru Life and Encourage others along the way!! Thank You! To All the many thru my life and Now You!! I Enjoyed this session.. & now enjoy yr blogs! Thank You!
I believe in the Power of Prayer as well.. so ‘Know’ I am praying for You!
Blessings .. fr my heart♡
As You are Blessed to keep Blessings others in Life!!
I personally have appreciated hearing and reading from You & Yr life Experiences!
What a gift your blog is. Thank you!
So glad to hear it – thanks so much Sue!!
Appreciate your comments about the processes to heal the body takes time.
Glad to hear it feels supportive Simon! It does indeed take more time for some of us than for others :-)
Thanks Veronica. Excuse my late reply. I have been getting some natural results very lately in what I consider cutting edge in grounding and healing.
I’ve only just discovered your powerful explanations of the systemic mechanisms of ME/CFS. This is truly momentous for me. After a stressful couple of weeks my emotions and connection to my body are in total shutdown (I came across your blog while googling randomly out of sheer despair – thank you, universe!).
But I’ve noticed that I am still responsive to aesthetic pleasure, particularly visual beauty. So instead of pushing myself to connect with people and activities, I am immersing myself in a visual cocoon of beautiful photography, art and films. Following the advice in this article is my first baby step towards the other healing resources you recommend.
Full of gratitude for your compassion and wisdom which you so freely share.
Hi Kristen,
I’m so glad for the internet – and that this feels like a helpful fit for you. And how absolutely lovely that you are noticing that responsivity to beauty and finding ways to “indulge” in something that can be so unexpectedly supportive of your health during this Time. I’m doing the same and feeling such gratitude to have the luxury of being able to hunker down, quarantine, and do what my heart calls for (which right now is writing the next blog post :-). Sending you all the best wishes and thanks so much for writing – I can FEEL you and your kind and appreciative message and it makes my heart happy :0). A little oxytocin stretching through the internet between us on our journeys of healing :-)