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Constipation, Metaphor and Symptoms of Childhood Trauma

Veronique Mead, MD, MA · June 5, 2015 · 4 Comments

constipation can be one of many symptoms of childhood trauma
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I’ve had increasing symptoms of constipation for 10 years or more, and in retrospect it’s been there in more subtle ways for most of my life.

It’s common to have gastrointestinal symptoms in chronic fatigue and I’ve tried many therapies, from dietary fiber, psyllium and mineral oil; to probiotics, pancreatic enzymes, “stomach acid” and enemas; to Chinese Herbs and acupuncture, ayurvedic herbs and treatment; to homeopathy and more.

Most of these treatments have either caused problematic side effects or have only addressed symptoms in a temporary way. Despite all the trauma work I’ve done the symptoms have slowly been worsening.

I am continuing with a variety of treatment approaches, including juicing and the GAPS diet (for 1 1/2 years so far), daily walks and most recently functional medicine.

Meanwhile, I’m using the context of trauma and The Chronic Illness Model to look for the underlying intelligence that likely lies within this symptom. I have resistance to this process, which is a normal part of working with feelings and sensations that are linked to trauma, but I am slowly chipping away at it.

In today’s post I’ll be sharing the most recent insights and metaphors I’ve discovered as a result of this exploration and how constipation may represent one of the many symptoms of childhood trauma.

The Image

I woke up at 12:45 am a week ago and because I was wide awake I decided to use the peaceful quiet of early morning to bring my attention to the issues in my abdomen. Trauma work tends to need the presence of a supportive, nonjudgmental and skillful other person (such as a trauma therapist) but I’ve developed tools through my years of training and personal work that I often use outside of sessions. So I started a conversation with my belly.

I first noticed the familiar sense of anger and tension I’ve been coming to recognize in this area of my body. I’ve become more aware of this in recent years and was reminded of it when writing the post on invisible childhood trauma. There was little support for emotional distress when I was a child and these feelings had nowhere to go. When expression of the strong feelings we all have is not possible, emotions such as anger, anxiety and grief can become repressed, such as through the trauma responses of freeze and immobilization.

One of my patterns has been the unconscious stuffing of these feelings into my gut.

What emerged in my exploration was the image of a huge round stone lying on top of me, centered over my midriff. It looked like the type of moss-flecked rocks we see in the foothills of Colorado – similar to the one below, whose rounded shape I have always found comforting and beautiful.

Stones as metaphor for protection and shield from trauma

The fact that I found the image beautiful instead of scary was intriguing. It’s part of the gift of trauma work, in that there are always resources hiding amidst the fear, the anger or the wreckage.

I looked at the mental image in more detail in my mind’s eye and saw the Rocky Mountains in the distance. More beauty.

resources arise during trauma therapy such as beautiful images and metaphors

Survival Patterns

I noticed that I felt hidden beneath this enormous rock that was so much larger than me.

I felt wonderfully invisible.

This rock was like a fortress that sheltered my soft vulnerable underbelly.

I noticed it’s qualities of shielding protection rather than its weight.

I stayed curious even as I noticed how immobilized and trapped I was beneath it. While I couldn’t sit up with it on top of me and couldn’t reach out, or move, or connect with others, I noticed in the exploration that I really didn’t care.

I preferred having a protector.

This is how survival patterns of fight, flight and freeze are designed to work in the face of threat. They emerge in times of need. When there is sufficient time and resource and we successfully overcome or escape a threatening situation, our brains get the message that we have survived. Our nervous systems can then shift out of defensive patterns and back into states that support rest, connection and safety.

The Resources Within

As I stayed with the image I let myself enjoy the sensations of support from the rock. To my surprise, I realized that the qualities of the rock were qualities I crave.

This is another example of how trauma work is eternally full of the best of surprises.

I let myself notice the qualities of earthy, downward solidity of Groundedness.

The hint of Stillness.

Nonjudgment.

Imperturbability.

Quiet.

Stones are a metaphor for quiet, stillness and calm during trauma therapy for constipation
A decorative garden stone in my back yard

I then started to feel them in my body. In the firm tension in the front of my abdominal wall. And then in a gentle, solidly reassuring kind of way, I started to feel the sense of secure support in the front of my arms and legs. And then also in my torso.

Metaphoric stones and rocks have served me in my life.

They continue to provide a source of protection that I am not ready or able to let go of. I’ve been working to release the fight and flight energy I still have and the immobilizing state of freeze that keeps things out of sight. The process simply takes time. As such, I still have all sorts of sympathetic nervous system energy that leaks out as occasional outbursts of rage, frustration, and grumpiness. And I still have the brakes holding all that energy back.

What I feel is a willingness to be with the unmoving, hidden invisibility of the stone. And that it’s okay.

The intelligence and persistence of symptoms is just part of the nature of unresolved trauma. As I keep growing my awareness of this pattern I will keep differentiating myself from its pull.

Eventually my body and I will find a way to emerge, know that we have made it and that there is no longer a threat to my survival. These states will then be able to shift. It’s a matter of continuing to work with it.

The Metaphor in Everyday Life

I  realized at some point during the exploration that I have rocks and stones in many places in my present life.

When I moved to my house I discovered a stash of smooth round river rocks from an old overgrown garden beneath the juniper in my front yard. I used to pile a few of them up to make cairns.

symptoms of childhood trauma can include irritable bowel syndrome

I had what felt like a crazy impulse about 10 years ago and had a huge 1 ton rock installed in the garden bed by my front door.

constipation is one of many potential symptoms of childhood trauma

I also have small smooth black and gray stones on my bedside table. The feature image at the top of this post shows the pollen and dried tulip leaves I kept after removing the spent bouquet. I found the colors striking.

The image below shows the stones I have on my OTHER bedside table.

stones can be a metaphor for constipation

And so I noticed with a sense of wonder just how much I am drawn to stones. And just how much I seek to grow their strong steady presence inside of myself. The calm steady quality I seek is the natural state of health and balance our bodies are designed to live in when there is no sense of threat. It’s the state that lies underneath the patterns of nervous system activation that I suspect play a strong role in my symptoms of fatigue as well as constipation.

I’ve had a growing collection all these years and never quite fully seen the metaphor and the links so clearly.

Similar Patterns in the Past

After I had completed the exploration for the morning, I drew the image of the rock I had first seen in my mind, lying on top of me (I traced it with a marker for this post to make it easier to see).

symptoms of childhood trauma can be subtle and show u pin metaphor

I remembered how I had drawn an almost exact replica of this image in 1993. It was during a period of intense stress when I was a newly minted doctor on my very first locum tenens temp job.

I had consulted a psychotherapist after experiencing difficulty getting a full breath for days at a time. He had asked me to draw what it felt like. I’d drawn this very image. My breathing returned to normal fairly quickly with our work together. I hadn’t continued with any further therapy once my symptom had resolved. It was an early sign, however, of a nervous system that is reactive to stress.

I also drew a very similar image in 1996 or 1997, just at the time that I was beginning to experience the onset of my chronic fatigue. I was working full-time as a faculty physician and was starting to question my choice of career. I had been starting to feel that what I was doing as a doctor was not helping my patients. It felt as though I was hurting my soul. I was also overwhelmed by my schedule and the lack of time for a life outside of work.

The image was one that was filled (overfilled) with anger.

symptoms of childhood trauma include the inability to express anger and other feelings

Aliveness Underneath the Trauma Response

I made another discovery during my process when I noticed that the sensations of tension in the front of my body were changing. I started experiencing pleasurable tingling with a quality of “energy.” As I stayed with it I came to realize that this was a sense of ALIVENESS.

This is what is stored within my abdomen as well. It is what has been being protected with all the survival energies of fight, flight and freeze. My aliveness is waiting is to be freed.

And embraced.

sunshine-hug
Drawing from November 1997 after having made the decision to leave medicine.

The metaphor with my belly is reassuring even as my symptoms persist. The information gives me things to chew on and to continue to explore. I had movement in my gastrointestinal tract the day of this trauma work. Maybe it was related. Maybe not. It is an exploration in the process of evolution.

I’ll keep you posted.

Related Posts:

Intro to My Chronic Fatigue Story Parts 1 and 2 and 3 and 4

My Big Picture Story Linking Adversity to Chronic Fatigue Syndrome ME/CFS

Chronic Illness and Invisible ACES: When your ACE score is 0

Adverse Childhood Experiences, “Boyhood” and Risk for Chronic Illness

Working with Food, Diet and Survival Patterns

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Chronic Illnesses Irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), Working with Symptoms

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Tony Madrid says

    June 8, 2015 at 6:38 am

    Thanks, Veronique. I found this very helpful in dealing with my hand dermatitis. I’ll let you know what I discover.

    Tony

    Reply
    • Veronique Mead says

      June 8, 2015 at 5:01 pm

      Thanks Tony, I look forward to hearing about it and glad that the word “constipation” in the title didn’t scare you off!!

      Reply
  2. Jennifer says

    December 23, 2021 at 10:41 am

    Thank you for this post. I wish more healthcare providers in the Western realm understood the psychospiritual roots of many, if not most, gastrointestinal disorders. Unfortunately the physical only approach to treating these disorders does nothing to heal the root cause and creates a lifetime of dependency on a broken sickcare system that often makes the dis-ease worse over time. I can relate to the emotional stuffing and it’s parallel to a very stagnant, immobile digestive tract. I can see where “stuckness “ in all parts of my life also parallel this. Hoping that healthcare will be transformed by our understanding of trauma in the 21st century.

    Reply
    • Veronique Mead, MD, MA says

      December 23, 2021 at 12:20 pm

      Hello Jennifer,
      The emotional stuffing is quite a survival mechanism. I am getting better at not doing it so much consciously and unconsciously, although it has been an amazingly lengthy process for me (as have so many shifts in the psychospiritual realm). These shifts and evolution have also been deeply rewarding in all realms. I love your wish for transformation in our health care system and hold the same – thinking of trauma-informed awareness coming into healthcare in the 21st century seems doable when held with that kind of space. Thanks so much for writing xoxo

      Reply

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About Me

Hello! I'm Veronique Mead. On my blog I look at how chronic illness may be a natural response to one or more overwhelming experiences of threat. While this includes infections and toxins, I specialize in the role of psychological and physical trauma. Because the research - still overlooked and underestimated by medicine - has knocked my socks off.

 

Symptoms, it is turning out, may not be caused by mistakes our bodies are making but because our nervous systems have gotten stuck in states of fight, flight or freeze. Our bodies are our best friends and risk everything to help us survive. We are designed to recover or at least begin to heal from the effects of those survival strategies. I never knew any of this as a family physician or assistant professor. And it’s not in your head.

 

I've been testing these ideas with my own disabling disease for the past 20 years (I am much improved and get a little better every year). I share the research, challenges, why some things that seem so logical do not work for everyone (or make things worse), as well as my favorite 11 tools. This is so you can explore what might help you stabilize, improve or possibly even begin to reverse underlying drivers of your chronic illness too. For an overview with links to my most important posts, start here.

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#WEGOHealthAwards 2019 Patient Leader Finalist for Best in Show Blog Chronic Illness Trauma Studies Veronique Mead MD, MA

I and we - it feels so much like a WE - were among 6000 nominees for 15 categories of patient leader awards and one of 5 finalists for Best in Show Blog at the #WEGOHealthAwards. Learn more here.

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