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Treating Irritable Bowel Syndrome And Subtle Trauma By Listening To Your Inner Voice

Veronique Mead, MD, MA · October 30, 2015 · 4 Comments

Listening to your inner voice is a way of working with chronic illness and symptoms such as ME/CFS and IBS
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Table of Contents

  • Listening To Your Inner Voice And Transforming Pain Through Metaphor
  • Giving Creativity the Time She Needs
  • Listening to Your Inner Voice And Allowing Room for The Unexpected
  • The Intelligence of Protection and Survival

With no improvement in my longstanding symptoms of constipation despite daily walks, almost 2 years on the strictest version of the GAPS diet, stress reduction, mindfulness practices, and more I have started rooting into the role of trauma with greater focus and intention. I see my gut symptoms and food intolerances as influenced by subtle childhood trauma and survival patterns. My gut has been an absorber and container of difficult emotions that have had nowhere else to go. And I have directly experienced how it has cushioned me from overwhelm. I have already used many skills such as following my intuition, which helped me leave my career as a physician for something that held more meaning for me. In paying attention to my gut and my impulses in the years since then (see introductions to the role of impulses here, here and here), I have found my passion in researching the links between trauma and chronic illness. This has all lead me to a fuller life with more joy and satisfaction and sense of wholeness than I ever imagined possible.

But the fact that I continue to have symptoms tells me there is more to be done. My symptoms of progressing irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) have motivated me to venture further down the pathway of “listening to your inner voice.”

I am excited to share this process with you as I go. This is in part because it has the unusual characteristic of accompanying external visuals that reflect the journey that is unfolding within. Listening to your inner voice is about trusting ourselves – and our guts. I am using many of the resources, skills and tools I have been developing through the years from trauma therapy. Even though the effects of this process have been slow and have often filled me with doubt (more on that here, and here), the trauma perspective has provided a powerful context for me. It has given me insights, markers of progress and an understanding of what is going on from a nervous system perspective. I anticipate presenting you with a retrospective review. It will include references to the science of the vagus nerve and its involvement in feelings of connection and safety, as well as in managing energy levels, digestion and symptoms such as IBS. I expect this work will also help me further reduce my symptoms of chronic fatigue (“ME/CFS” or “SEID”).

First, though, I need to allow this process of listening to your inner voice to unfold and see where it takes me.

Listening To Your Inner Voice And Transforming Pain Through Metaphor

Five months ago I discovered a link between uncomfortable sensations in my belly and my love of smooth round river stones. I realized the extent to which they dotted not only the landscape of my bedroom, yard and garden but also of my blog.

IBS, constipation, food intolerances and other problems with gut function can be one of many symptoms of childhood trauma and its effects on the nervous system- both overt abuse and subtle misses in attunement between parents /caregivers and children

The image of a large heavy stone evoked a sensation of quiet calm and groundedness in my body that felt reassuring and soothing.

I decided that the process of listening to your inner voice was a tool I needed to include in resolving old trauma that had not yet responded to the trauma therapy I had already done.

One of the first impulses I had when I started listening to my gut more attentively was the desire to create a “container.” I had placed my hands on my belly during a quiet time when I was laying down. I hadn’t “heard” anything or felt any shifts and so had hung out with it for a while from a place of curiosity and nonjudgment. I then gradually noticed an image associated with the concept of containers, which I love (I have to work at not saving too many boxes in the garage in the event of some future need). In my mind’s eye I saw a cardboard box and lined it with fabric. The idea of sewing the lining was predominant but was more than I had the energy to do. So I waited.

A week or two later I found myself with an interest in creating a small sand tray.

Tools for listening to your linner voice include sand tray and art therapy

I started with figurines I collected for sand tray in my psychotherapy practice.

I found myself represented in the sand tray by a tiny baby. I wrapped her in shimmering green silk brocade from my stash of fabric. She belonged in the curve of a seashell at the base of a starfish and close to a wooden heart. I used a pin, as tall as she was, to hold her blanket on. No other humans made it into the sand.

When I created my sand tray as part of a process of listening to your inner voice, I found that I was represented by a baby resting in a sea shell covered in a blanket tied on using a pearlescent pin. She was lying in a Mother of Pearl.

One of my strongest impulses in creating my sand tray was a need for boundaries and protectors.

I started with a piece of scrap wood baseboard trim. In front of it went poisonous frogs, cowboys with rifles, prickly pine cones, and a prism. There were also smooth stones and a postcard with the solid imperturbable energy of Buddhist monks in a candlelit square. I had firefighters around the ceramic container.

When creating a home sand tray an important part of the process of listening to your inner voice led to strong protectors and supporters of boundaries

I placed a large stone beneath the box holding the sand tray because it felt like a stabilizing force.

Giving Creativity the Time She Needs

I kept the sand tray up all summer and made changes along the way as my process unfolded. I’ll show you more in a future post.

In the meantime, the impulse to create a more box-like container recurred.

I found ways to keep it manageable by using a small box and covering it with paper mache.

The process of listening to your inner voice when working with my symptoms of IBS lead to the creation of a small paper mache box

I left its contents of degradable shipping peanuts inside to keep it simple. This packaging is inherently protective and filled the box. The little cornstarch peanuts were very “contained” and looked remarkably stool-like.

I chose paper from the recycled pages of my 400 page master’s thesis. It was my first research into the role of trauma in the development of chronic illness and represents the rewards of listening to your inner voice.

I so enjoyed playing with the mess of flour and water that I paper mached another, larger box. This second box is the size I had originally envisioned.

The process of listening to your inner voice when working with my symptoms of IBS lead to the creation of a large container using paper mache

Two other little boxes snuck their way into my listening project.

Working with my symptoms of constipation and IBS through art was about following an impulse to create containers

Listening to Your Inner Voice And Allowing Room for The Unexpected

Once I had created my containers the creativity really began to flow.

Fabric was an appealing way to layer the inside of my larger box.

I stole the fabric from underneath my sand tray and pinned it into place rather than sewing or buying a glue gun.

Decorating my container boxes in working with IBS is a fun and creative way of working with metaphor

I then painted the small box black.

While painting I accidentally dropped it onto the front of my beautiful fabric that was lining my big container. I had planned to reuse this cloth, my favorite of all time, for some unknown purpose in the future.

I had a long pause as I looked at the paint stain and felt sharp disappointment. I debated whether I could successfully clean up the tiny spot and salvage the fabric.

I also contemplated my unplanned mess from the place of “listening to your inner voice,” which also calls for making room for surprises to lead the way.

I decided to Go With It.

It gave me freedom to paint and play at will.

This is really where the transformation seemed to begin.

It lead me to painting designs on the bottom of my big box and, on a crazy spur-of-the-moment-touched-with-a-hint-of-exuberant-reckless-abandon, I painted my hand and pressed my print into the bottom of my container.

"Happy accidents" that occur when listening to your inner voice and producing art can be the first step toward unexpected steps towards transformation

The little black box developed an unexpectedly cheery underbelly beneath the 5 black sides.

Many unexpected discoveries took place as I followed my gut and enjoyed playing with creative materials while working with my symptoms of IBS

And in the bottom of the big box, I found myself creating a yin yang symbol. At the very front I drew “Enso,” a circle that I have been making now for years. You see it in image 7 above – it’s in the background painting behind where I am dancing with the big paper mache box.

Enso comes from Zen Buddhism and the aesthetics of Japanese art and life. I discovered the following meaning when looking it up on wiki so that I could give you a link:

Enso “is a circle that is hand-drawn in one or two uninhibited brushstrokes to express a moment when the mind is free to let the body create.

My palm print emerged from accidentally spilling paint on my favorite fabric. It gave me the freedom to let loose. This universal symbol of Stop sets a clear boundary even as it feels beautiful.

The Intelligence of Protection and Survival

The palm print in my container looks and feels to me like a clear and adamant symbol of protection or defense. I see it as the universal sign for “STOP!”

The fabric lining is layered and fortified with additional protection in the form of guilded dragons.

The metphors sometime surprise you when listening to your inner voice - in this case the fabric I had the impulse to use in creating a container liner was covered in dragons.

Over the following few weeks the dragon theme, which showed up when I worked with symptoms last winter and started watching the movie How To Train Your Dragon, began to emerge a little more fully.

Dragons represent protection and fierce maternal protection for me. It turns out that I am also a Dragon in the Chinese calendar. Dragons are also a Chinese symbol of transformation.

I found this tiny 1/2 inch dragon when shopping for more figurines to add to my sand tray. She belonged inside the Enso circle.

The yin yang symbol at the bottom of my container was then met with a nest – one I found some years ago that had been blown onto the sidewalk.

The nest, in turn, called for a golden stone given to me a few years ago by a dear friend.

It may be the protectors and defenders and helpers that allowed this tender new pair to emerge.

Following impulse the evolution of my container when working with symptoms of IBS lead to this major symbol of a safe, nurturing holding environment where my potential can grow.

Something filled with potential is emerging inside my container that is holding such a clear and vital boundary.

The nest and The Egg are like two new forms of “Enso.”

As it turns out I was recently reminded that I, too, am a Dragon according to the Chinese calendar, which is based on the year of one’s birth.

The dragon is also a Chinese symbol of transformation.

When listening to your inner voice you may discover that you, like the golden egg, are precious beyond imagining.

Do you see a possible theme of transformation evolving from my starting point with stones many months ago  – or is it just me?!

Looking back on my sand tray at the top of the page after writing this post and appreciating my egg I see the little baby of mine in a new light. Like the golden egg held so protectively in its nest, she is reminiscent of a little grain of sand filled with potential, growing in a Mother of Pearl.

The willingness to continue listening to my inner voice is taking me down a pretty fascinating path.

I’ll share more steps from this amazing journey with you in a follow-up post.

See Related Posts in This Series of Working with Diet and Gut Symptoms

1. Working with Food, Diet and Survival Patterns

2. Treating Chronic Illness #7: Making Dietary Changes took 10 Years

3. Constipation, metaphor and symptoms of childhood trauma

4. When Nothing Else Works For Chronic Symptoms

5. Repairing the Health of “No” by Healing Adverse Childhood Events (ACEs) (the next post on art and trauma therapy for healing IBS)

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Chronic Illnesses, My Story 11 Tools, Irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), Working with Symptoms

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Comments

  1. Jan says

    October 30, 2015 at 3:28 pm

    Thank you Veronique for sharing your process. As always, your candor and detailed information provide guidance and food for thought! Glad you are able to blog more frequently again :)

    Reply
    • Veronique Mead says

      October 30, 2015 at 6:31 pm

      Thanks Jan! I’m so glad to be able to write more again too and I love your play with words about food for thought, whether accidental or on purpose :-)

      Reply
  2. Caitlen M Miller says

    November 27, 2022 at 5:29 pm

    I loved this! Thank you so much for sharing your advice and your experience, this is very helpful ^-^

    Reply
    • Veronique Mead, MD, MA says

      November 27, 2022 at 5:42 pm

      Caitlen, You are so welcome and I’m so glad it’s helpful!!

      Reply

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I love hearing from you. I read and review every comment before publishing it to make it visible to everyone. Your stories and insights make the writing and running of my blog so worthwhile. Although your email is required, it is not made public. You can use any name you wish. How do you work with your health? What has helped as you've become an expert in your own right? Does understanding the science of trauma make your journey any easier? Is there anything you need or wish I wrote about more?

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About Me

Hello! I'm Veronique Mead. On my blog I look at how chronic illness may be a natural response to one or more overwhelming experiences of threat. While this includes infections and toxins, I specialize in the role of psychological and physical trauma. Because the research - still overlooked and underestimated by medicine - has knocked my socks off.

 

Symptoms, it is turning out, may not be caused by mistakes our bodies are making but because our nervous systems have gotten stuck in states of fight, flight or freeze. Our bodies are our best friends and risk everything to help us survive. We are designed to recover or at least begin to heal from the effects of those survival strategies. I never knew any of this as a family physician or assistant professor. And it’s not in your head.

 

I've been testing these ideas with my own disabling disease for the past 20 years (I am much improved and get a little better every year). I share the research, challenges, why some things that seem so logical do not work for everyone (or make things worse), as well as my favorite 11 tools. This is so you can explore what might help you stabilize, improve or possibly even begin to reverse underlying drivers of your chronic illness too. For an overview with links to my most important posts, start here.

Awarded Top 100 Chronic Illness Blogs

#WEGO Patient Leader 2019 Finalist

#WEGOHealthAwards 2019 Patient Leader Finalist for Best in Show Blog Chronic Illness Trauma Studies Veronique Mead MD, MA

I and we - it feels so much like a WE - were among 6000 nominees for 15 categories of patient leader awards and one of 5 finalists for Best in Show Blog at the #WEGOHealthAwards. Learn more here.

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